The following were all actually said by Marion Barry, former mayor and recently re-elected city councilman in Washington, DC.
The same guy that was caught on tape, smoking crack, with a hooker.
"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
"Bitch set me up!"
"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are." –
"The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice."
"I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican."
"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"
"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!"
"I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man."
--Thanks Dana!
Why does Garfield suck so much these days?
I like to read the comics daily in the Washington Post. This weekend they cut one of my favorites from the line-up, Shoe. OK, I can see why Rex Morgan got cut, it was never going to be Desperate Housewives. But Shoe! Shoe still had lots of good stuff to say!
That brings me back to Garfield. Once it was a favorite. It had spot on humor that would shine a light on the absurdity of life today. Now it is just recycling old shit that wasn't funny the first time we saw it.
The Comics have not been the same since we lost The Far Side an Calvin and Hobbs.
...and now no more Shoe.
--If Dilbert ends, someone's gonna pay...
That brings me back to Garfield. Once it was a favorite. It had spot on humor that would shine a light on the absurdity of life today. Now it is just recycling old shit that wasn't funny the first time we saw it.
The Comics have not been the same since we lost The Far Side an Calvin and Hobbs.
...and now no more Shoe.
--If Dilbert ends, someone's gonna pay...
Some days the news can't get any weirder...
Some days I read the news and it's nothing big. Plane crashes, Fires, Murder, War and other really bad things like the Brad and Jennifer separation.
Then I see a new headline and the world seems to stop for a moment while its axis shifts and I read a story:
"Man Eats Raw Duck Before Undies Save Him"
--And my faith gets restored in the Universe...
Then I see a new headline and the world seems to stop for a moment while its axis shifts and I read a story:
"Man Eats Raw Duck Before Undies Save Him"
--And my faith gets restored in the Universe...
It's Time for a Movie Night!
Happy New Year! And nothing says Happy New Year better than a Movie Night at Marty's house!
When: Saturday January 15th, any time after 5pm
Where: 12108 Wallower Way, Bristow VA 20136
What: Food, Drinks, Dinner, Conversation, Movies, Madness
Who: You and people like you
Why: Life is too short to not Enjoy Movie Nights.
RSVP so I know how much food to make, dammit! We will probably be grilling chicken and having salads cause I am on my new "Stop Eating Like a Pig" diet.
See you there!
When: Saturday January 15th, any time after 5pm
Where: 12108 Wallower Way, Bristow VA 20136
What: Food, Drinks, Dinner, Conversation, Movies, Madness
Who: You and people like you
Why: Life is too short to not Enjoy Movie Nights.
RSVP so I know how much food to make, dammit! We will probably be grilling chicken and having salads cause I am on my new "Stop Eating Like a Pig" diet.
See you there!
Ladies, nows your chance...
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston announced Friday that they were calling it quits after nearly five years of marriage. "We have decided to formally separate," they said in a joint statement.
This is a very important story in the news. It was headlined above the War, above 160,000 dead in Asia, even above Elvis's 70th birthday...
--Jennifer, does this mean you are free for movie night next Saturday.
This is a very important story in the news. It was headlined above the War, above 160,000 dead in Asia, even above Elvis's 70th birthday...
--Jennifer, does this mean you are free for movie night next Saturday.
Marty's 2004 Politics Random Roundup.
What's up with the stupid exit polls during the election this year. They are so F'd up Kerry thought he won for a few hours. While I thought it was funny to to watch his elation be dashed on the rocks of despair, I can't help but hope exit polling will be outlawed like campaigning within the polling place.
Dan rather resigns after swearing on a stack of mothers graves that the smoking gun, MS Word document, was done in 1970. What's the frequency Kenneth?
President Ronald Reagan died. I'm not sure how great a president he was but I believed he was a good man.
George W. Bush was re-elected. My favorite part of the entire election was the fact that Michael Moore was humbled. I actually think he won the election for President Bush.
Sandy Berger was spotted by National Archives staff repeatedly stuffing top-secret documents into his undergarments in preparation for defending the Clinton administration's record on fighting terrorism before the 9/11 Commission.
Abu Graib became the most famous prison since Attica.
Saddam was captured and was glad to discover that we are not as bad as he said, or as he was.
--My election predictions were correct. Good or Bad they were right.
Dan rather resigns after swearing on a stack of mothers graves that the smoking gun, MS Word document, was done in 1970. What's the frequency Kenneth?
President Ronald Reagan died. I'm not sure how great a president he was but I believed he was a good man.
George W. Bush was re-elected. My favorite part of the entire election was the fact that Michael Moore was humbled. I actually think he won the election for President Bush.
Sandy Berger was spotted by National Archives staff repeatedly stuffing top-secret documents into his undergarments in preparation for defending the Clinton administration's record on fighting terrorism before the 9/11 Commission.
Abu Graib became the most famous prison since Attica.
Saddam was captured and was glad to discover that we are not as bad as he said, or as he was.
--My election predictions were correct. Good or Bad they were right.
Andrea Yates' Murder Conviction Overturned
HOUSTON - Andrea Yates' murder conviction for drowning her children in the bathtub was overturned by an appeals court Thursday because a psychiatrist for the prosecution gave erroneous testimony that suggested the Texas mother got the idea from an episode of "Law & Order."
Yates, 40, is more than two years into a life sentence after a trial that stirred national debate over mothers who kill, postpartum depression and the legal definition of insanity.
The appeals court ruling turned on the testimony of Dr. Park Dietz, a forensic psychiatrist who consulted for "Law & Order" and helped prosecutors land a conviction in 2002. Dietz testified at the trial that shortly before Yates' crime occurred, "Law & Order" ran an episode about a woman who drowned her children and was found innocent by reason of insanity.
But it turned out that no such "Law & Order" episode existed.
"We conclude that there is a reasonable likelihood that Dr. Dietz's false testimony could have affected the judgment of the jury," a three-judge panel of the First Texas Court of Appeals said.
--This is so whacked? NOBODY denies that she did it. SHE IS CRAZY! Off my planet!!
Yates, 40, is more than two years into a life sentence after a trial that stirred national debate over mothers who kill, postpartum depression and the legal definition of insanity.
The appeals court ruling turned on the testimony of Dr. Park Dietz, a forensic psychiatrist who consulted for "Law & Order" and helped prosecutors land a conviction in 2002. Dietz testified at the trial that shortly before Yates' crime occurred, "Law & Order" ran an episode about a woman who drowned her children and was found innocent by reason of insanity.
But it turned out that no such "Law & Order" episode existed.
"We conclude that there is a reasonable likelihood that Dr. Dietz's false testimony could have affected the judgment of the jury," a three-judge panel of the First Texas Court of Appeals said.
--This is so whacked? NOBODY denies that she did it. SHE IS CRAZY! Off my planet!!
Jury Finds Wal-Mart Worker Poisoned Boss
Thu Jan 6,12:09 AM ET
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. - A Miami woman was found guilty Wednesday of poisoning her boss by putting rat poison into his soda can.
Femesha Foster, 37, was caught on a hidden camera dropping the toxic mix into Mark Caruso's drink in 2000. The pair were co-workers at a Wal-Mart store in Pembroke Pines.
She said was only trying to force Caruso to go home sick, that she had recently discovered that he knew she had written checks from his account. Caruso was taken to an emergency room, where he was treated and released.
Foster's sentencing is scheduled for Jan. 20. She faces up to 30 years in prison on the jury conviction. In May, a state appeals court overturned Foster's previous conviction because she was charged with "attempted poisoning," which was not a specific crime under Florida law.
--Another Wal-Mart related incident!
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. - A Miami woman was found guilty Wednesday of poisoning her boss by putting rat poison into his soda can.
Femesha Foster, 37, was caught on a hidden camera dropping the toxic mix into Mark Caruso's drink in 2000. The pair were co-workers at a Wal-Mart store in Pembroke Pines.
She said was only trying to force Caruso to go home sick, that she had recently discovered that he knew she had written checks from his account. Caruso was taken to an emergency room, where he was treated and released.
Foster's sentencing is scheduled for Jan. 20. She faces up to 30 years in prison on the jury conviction. In May, a state appeals court overturned Foster's previous conviction because she was charged with "attempted poisoning," which was not a specific crime under Florida law.
--Another Wal-Mart related incident!
TiVo Upgrade Shifts TV Shows to Computer Laptop
NEW YORK (Reuters) - TiVo Inc., maker of television recording technology, on Monday said it has started shipping "TiVoToGo," a service upgrade that allows some subscribers to view recorded programs on a computer or laptop.
TiVo, the best known maker of digital video recorders (DVR), said the upgrade is free, and will be available to standalone customers who own the "Series 2" version of its set-top box.
--TiVo is my friend... my prescious...
TiVo, the best known maker of digital video recorders (DVR), said the upgrade is free, and will be available to standalone customers who own the "Series 2" version of its set-top box.
--TiVo is my friend... my prescious...
Breast Enlargement Contest Draws Fire
By VICKIE CHACHERE, Associated Press Writer
TAMPA, Fla. - Radio giant Clear Channel Communications has come under fire from women's health advocates over a Christmas contest in which stations granted breast enlargement surgeries to women in four cities.
In the "Breast Christmas Ever" contest, 13 women were awarded the procedure after writing essays to the stations explaining why they wanted larger breasts. A Tampa station claimed to receive more than 91,000 entries.
--The people that have the time to complain about this contest need to go to Asia and help bury bodies...
TAMPA, Fla. - Radio giant Clear Channel Communications has come under fire from women's health advocates over a Christmas contest in which stations granted breast enlargement surgeries to women in four cities.
In the "Breast Christmas Ever" contest, 13 women were awarded the procedure after writing essays to the stations explaining why they wanted larger breasts. A Tampa station claimed to receive more than 91,000 entries.
--The people that have the time to complain about this contest need to go to Asia and help bury bodies...
A new look for 2005
My friend Kim Munroe has inspired me to update the look and content of my website. Over the next few weeks I will be spending a little extra time in here fixing stuff up.
You can now make comments on my posts!
--Enjoy. Don't bust nothin!
You can now make comments on my posts!
--Enjoy. Don't bust nothin!
Let me over simplify with a stupid analogy:
Let's say you had a neighbor across the street that has a wife and nine children. Day after day you see him beating his wife and children. He's been doing it for years. You keep calling the cops but all they do is talk about it and send him letters. A couple times they send in social workers but they still do nothing.
One day, in front of the whole neighborhood, he breaks into the neighbors house and kills a bunch of their children and tells everyone he's keeping the house. The cops come, chase him out, but be kills more of the kids on the way out and sets the house on fire. He gets chased home all the way into his bedroom and then all the cops just leave. He's so pissed off he beats his wife and kids worse than ever. He oldest sons join him in beating the others. The cops send more letters, but he doesn't stop. He doesn’t let inspectors come any more.
One day you see him raping and murdering his own children. He threatens his neighbors too. Even you and your family.
You call the cops and they say they'll send a telegram this time but cant risk sending a social worker because its too dangerous.
By the way, you work for the police department, you are a policeman, but have been asked to do nothing. It's not your family or your business.
That's how I feel about Iraq and Saddam. I don't care who it pissed off. I'd have to stop him.
--Over simplified, but that's how I feel.
Let's say you had a neighbor across the street that has a wife and nine children. Day after day you see him beating his wife and children. He's been doing it for years. You keep calling the cops but all they do is talk about it and send him letters. A couple times they send in social workers but they still do nothing.
One day, in front of the whole neighborhood, he breaks into the neighbors house and kills a bunch of their children and tells everyone he's keeping the house. The cops come, chase him out, but be kills more of the kids on the way out and sets the house on fire. He gets chased home all the way into his bedroom and then all the cops just leave. He's so pissed off he beats his wife and kids worse than ever. He oldest sons join him in beating the others. The cops send more letters, but he doesn't stop. He doesn’t let inspectors come any more.
One day you see him raping and murdering his own children. He threatens his neighbors too. Even you and your family.
You call the cops and they say they'll send a telegram this time but cant risk sending a social worker because its too dangerous.
By the way, you work for the police department, you are a policeman, but have been asked to do nothing. It's not your family or your business.
That's how I feel about Iraq and Saddam. I don't care who it pissed off. I'd have to stop him.
--Over simplified, but that's how I feel.
Rule Number 13: Consider the worst case scenario now and then and prepare for it.
With the death toll currently at about 125,000 from the tsunami that hit last Sunday morning it has me thinking, as this year closes, just how fragile the world really is.
I keep thinking to myself, what would I do if there was a massive scale disaster. Do I have enough food, water, ammo and scotch to get by until the the dust settles? The short answer is no. Well maybe I have enough scotch...
How would I protect the kids? What if I was at work when it hit? What kinds of "it" could hit the fan?
As the year closes it's time to take a look at everything.
--Goodbye 2005. I won't miss you...
With the death toll currently at about 125,000 from the tsunami that hit last Sunday morning it has me thinking, as this year closes, just how fragile the world really is.
I keep thinking to myself, what would I do if there was a massive scale disaster. Do I have enough food, water, ammo and scotch to get by until the the dust settles? The short answer is no. Well maybe I have enough scotch...
How would I protect the kids? What if I was at work when it hit? What kinds of "it" could hit the fan?
As the year closes it's time to take a look at everything.
--Goodbye 2005. I won't miss you...
Return of the King
One of my Christmas gifts this year was the extended edition of Return of the King. Not many movies bubble up into my top 10 best list ever. I Just finished watching the extended version and all the special features. Eight hours excellent entertainment. This is why I love DVDs, big screen home theater TVs and BOSE surround sound. Every piece of this movie rocked.
I still find it amazing that Peter Jackson pulled this off so perfectly. I can't believe they let him. Here was his resume at the time:
Now he is doing a remake of King Kong starring Jack Black and Naomi Watts.
--My expectations are now high.
One of my Christmas gifts this year was the extended edition of Return of the King. Not many movies bubble up into my top 10 best list ever. I Just finished watching the extended version and all the special features. Eight hours excellent entertainment. This is why I love DVDs, big screen home theater TVs and BOSE surround sound. Every piece of this movie rocked.
I still find it amazing that Peter Jackson pulled this off so perfectly. I can't believe they let him. Here was his resume at the time:
- (1996) The Frighteners
- (1995) Forgotten Silver
- (1994) Heavenly Creatures
- (1992) Dead Alive
- (1989) Meet the Feebles
- (1987) Bad Taste
- (1976) The Valley
Now he is doing a remake of King Kong starring Jack Black and Naomi Watts.
--My expectations are now high.
Christmas 2005 Phase two:
We had a nice drive around last night to see the lights on Christmas eve after we went to the candle light service at church. The kids went home with their mom after that. BR and I had a lovely, romantic night together. If only I had known then the glory that stood wrapped under the tree...
BR gave me a wonderful bottle of Single Malt Scotch. An 18 year old beauty from MacCallan! I need to host a Scotch tasting night!
She also gave me a nice Krupp Espresso/Cappuccino maker.
--Mmmmmmmmmm....
Christmas 2005 Phase One Complete:
Brenda and I were up last night until about 1am enjoying the lights and the mood and moments. It was all too soon when at 5:59am a small finger of an excited child was waking me. The Santa had in fact performed yet another classic reverse burgle. A new mountain of toys and stuff covered the floor. But I feel a need to lodge a complaint with the elves!
What the hell is up with all the damn twist ties?
Why is it easier to launch an ICBM than to open a Marvel Legends Iron Man? If I did not have my trusty Swiss Army Knife, we would be here until Twelfth Night opening these damn things!
Mark my words: Some kid will choke on a twist tie soon and then they will be banned and armies of small people in Chinese factories will have to switch from twist ties to other packaging technology! Let's just hope that poor kids survives, unlike the hundreds of dads whose heads will explode trying to open these things!!
Christmas continues tonight with a wonderful candle light service at church. The kids go home with their mom tonight for Christmas morning fun there with Grandpa. Brenda and I have a wonderful, romantic, Christmas morning together.
Gotta go! I smell Breakfast!
--Noel, dammit!
Brenda and I were up last night until about 1am enjoying the lights and the mood and moments. It was all too soon when at 5:59am a small finger of an excited child was waking me. The Santa had in fact performed yet another classic reverse burgle. A new mountain of toys and stuff covered the floor. But I feel a need to lodge a complaint with the elves!
What the hell is up with all the damn twist ties?
Why is it easier to launch an ICBM than to open a Marvel Legends Iron Man? If I did not have my trusty Swiss Army Knife, we would be here until Twelfth Night opening these damn things!
Mark my words: Some kid will choke on a twist tie soon and then they will be banned and armies of small people in Chinese factories will have to switch from twist ties to other packaging technology! Let's just hope that poor kids survives, unlike the hundreds of dads whose heads will explode trying to open these things!!
Christmas continues tonight with a wonderful candle light service at church. The kids go home with their mom tonight for Christmas morning fun there with Grandpa. Brenda and I have a wonderful, romantic, Christmas morning together.
Gotta go! I smell Breakfast!
--Noel, dammit!
Well I turned 45...
I passed another milestone this week. I turned 45 years old. It's getting harder and harder to deny that I am middle aged. I can't say I really every worry about my age. I do belly ache more about my aching joints.
On the inside I still feel 25. Except I was no where near this happy when I was 25...
--Time is the fire in which we burn.
I passed another milestone this week. I turned 45 years old. It's getting harder and harder to deny that I am middle aged. I can't say I really every worry about my age. I do belly ache more about my aching joints.
On the inside I still feel 25. Except I was no where near this happy when I was 25...
--Time is the fire in which we burn.
Sixth Harry Potter Book Due Out in July - By HILLEL ITALIE, AP National Writer
NEW YORK - Get ready for publishing's ultimate blockbuster sequel: Harry Potter VI. Setting the stage for another round of midnight bookstore parties and marathon readings into the morning, the penultimate novel in J.K. Rowling's mega-selling series, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," will go on sale 12:01 a.m. on July 16 in the United States, Britain and four other countries, publishers said Tuesday.
--I was there at Midnight last time. What a show...
NEW YORK - Get ready for publishing's ultimate blockbuster sequel: Harry Potter VI. Setting the stage for another round of midnight bookstore parties and marathon readings into the morning, the penultimate novel in J.K. Rowling's mega-selling series, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," will go on sale 12:01 a.m. on July 16 in the United States, Britain and four other countries, publishers said Tuesday.
--I was there at Midnight last time. What a show...
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events - (***) Green Light
This was a great movie to take the kids!
It is gothic and dark and beautifully filmed. The acting and characters were great. I think they could have withstood a little more plot!
Green Light
Say it ain't so!
Josh Brolin was arrested for abusing Diane Lane. Diane Lane is one of the most beautiful women in the movies. From Streets of Fire to Under the Tuscin Sun she remains surpreme hotness.
--Sigh. She never comes over for movie night...
Josh Brolin was arrested for abusing Diane Lane. Diane Lane is one of the most beautiful women in the movies. From Streets of Fire to Under the Tuscin Sun she remains surpreme hotness.
--Sigh. She never comes over for movie night...
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